Our first daughter, Esther Iris Elder, has survived 100 days! Given that her birthday falls between Christmas and New Years, we decided early on to make the 100-day mark a moment for celebration. 100-day celebrations aren’t rare in Singapore, but they don’t feel particularly common, either. I think they’re more common in other Asian countries, like Korea, but I’m not entirely sure.
At the celebration, along with our usual party festivities — a buffet lunch, cupcakes, and board games to play afterwards — we set aside some time for speeches about Esther’s first 100 days. I went first, and while we’re still avoiding posting details about Esther herself publicly, the second half of my speech was much more about my experience than any particulars about her, with most of it originally composed when she was about a month old. Here it is:
Before becoming a father myself, I always loved interacting with kids. But whether in kids’ ministry at church, or playing with friends’ kids, I always gravitated towards the older ones. This trend is partly why Grace and I decided to volunteer with the youth ministry at our current church; it’s there that the deepest theological discussions can be had and the hardest questions get asked.
So I came into parenting expecting to not really enjoy it at first, and just hoping for it to get better over time. But whether one month or 100 days in, I’ve actually really been enjoying it. Esther obviously can’t walk or really speak yet, and we can’t always tell if she’s listening to us, but that hasn’t stopped me from really loving being a father to her.
In fact, I noticed this change in my heart even before she was born. While waiting for updates in the doctor’s office, I heard the crying babies all around and felt a longing to be the one to answer those cries. It would take time to learn how to do just that — and we’re still learning — but being able to address Esther’s needs has been a joyous experience in and of itself.
I think the main reason for my mindset shift is that there’s actually a big difference between being a parent and just another adult in a child’s life, at least the way we raise children these days. With friends’ kids, or kids at church, my primary mode of interaction has been to play with them, teach them, answer their questions – all various ways of addressing the creative and intellectual side of their lives, which naturally takes time to grow and develop over the course of their childhood.
But as parents, especially of an infant, we’re responsible for all of her needs. When it’s my shift, usually at night, Esther relies on me for everything. It feels good, in a way I hadn’t anticipated, to be leaned on like that. I still do look forward to adding more dimensions to Esther’s life, but it’s surprisingly been joyous enough just to be able to take care of her.
For a long time, I’ve committed that we would only get a pet if we had a child willing and able to care for it. I wanted my own care-giving capacity to be fully devoted towards my children, who are like pets in that they’re cute and rely on you for everything, but who actually grow up. Nothing against pet owners — I just only recently noticed that since I had deprived myself of dependents for so long, I’d forgotten how great they can be.
They say that you should find someone to marry whom you enjoy watching fall asleep. What they don’t tell you is that this is actually useful insofar as it means that you can enjoy watching the children you have together fall asleep as well. It’s a wonderful experience.
Congratulations on the 100-day celebration! This is huge in Korea and China, marking the passing of the critical health period, which was significant in earlier decades. The next huge celebration might be the first year birthday to check on her progress as a baby. Let’s hope that all will be smooth sailing for both parents and baby!